Joanie Coyote and Stuff

Team Twilight or Team Harry Potter?

2011-07-09T12:59:00.000-07:00

Even cats can't agree.

Sugar says "Want an apple?" She's TeamTwilight all the way.

Mews thinks he's also the chosen one. He likes "Hairy" Potter

For some reason, none of them seems to go for Team Jacob.

p.s. I like Harry. Yes, I am a nerd.

X-Teens Movie Review

2011-06-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

My daughter saw the movie X-Men: First Class yesterday so I thought it was time for another Teen Movie Review. I didn't think to jot down her response as she told me but I know her first words after the movie ended were "That was so awesome! That...was so...awesome!" So I guess it was pretty awesome.

She also said that January Jones from Mad Men was in it and she was actually not horrible. Which pleasantly surprised us both.

And guess who else is in it! Remember the dorky kid from About A Boy (one of my favorite movies)?

This is him now.

What? He's, like, super hot now. Those are my daughter's words, not mine...heh heh. Yeah.

I also didn't realize he played the super adorable bi-curious kid in A Single Man.

Which starred my boyfriend, Colin Firth

I mean...

Yeah, I know. That was funny, right Babe?

I need to get out more. Maybe next time I'll actually watch a movie and review it myself. Hmmm, we may be on to something.

Chuck Norris Rules

2011-06-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

Found this posted behind a store on a random street in my town

Awesome. I'm old enough to remember when he was just Walker, Texas Ranger and not a demi-god. I love the Chuck Norris jokes. Here are a few of my favorites:

Chuck Norris doesn't walk on water. He swims on land.

Death once had a near-Chuck experience.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Me giving this sign a thumbs up. I wonder what Chuck Norris Rules would actually be?

I before E but not before Chuck Norris.

2+2=whatever Chuck Norris says it does.

Do unto others what Chuck Norris would do unto you---you wish!

Can you think of anymore? I'll bet he can.

I'm Back

2011-05-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

Took a long break from both blogs. I got crazy busy and now have a month coming up with just one job and a big project. That's like vacationing for me.

I missed performing comedy tonight because I got sick and had to go to the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. I'm on antibiotics and steroids. You know what that means!! 'Roid Rage! I can blame any bad behavior on that. And I will. Once steroids are gone I will go back to blaming Menopause or whatever else is handy.

I did see some funny things at the doctor's office though and luckily got some snaps.

What is this nun trying to give people? It looks gross and inappropriate. Come on, lady. The people here are already sick!

Yeah, for real. It's an antique. People used to douche their noses, I guess. I hope that clear thing in front is a spoon.

It's A Tough Job...

2011-02-20T12:51:00.000-08:00

My friend, Sarah Tiana, had a birthday party. She's a terrific comedian and a really sweet gal.

Also, she's a Southern girl like me so the food was awesome.

Taquitos, y'all

Chips y'all

My good friend, Nini, was there. She manages to do comedy even though she's a single mom and has four kids. And they are all giants like her. She's an inspiration to me and I feel I can never complain about how hard it is to be a single mom and get onstage. At least I try not to complain around her.

Unfortunately I only got a few pictures at the beginning before it got crowded.

But some other friends showed up. My good friend Christina Pazsitzky who is kicking ass and taking names.

And Chris Franjola who, while I was taking a break, managed to get a writing gig on Chelsea Lately. I'm not surprised. He's hilarious.

Some other people were there like Jeff Ross. Who I don't know. Okay, I'm totally dropping names now but hey! It's Hollywood, Baby! Also, I don't get out much so I'm really impressed with myself. Part of doing comedy is hanging out with people. It really is a relationship based business and, of course, you have to be good. I love Sarah, though, and would have gone even if it was full of people even dorkier than me.

In closing, Nini is famous for her birthday cakes. This one we lovingly dubbed the Lemon Turd Cake.
(p.s. It was delish)

They want ME...(don't get too excited)

2011-02-16T16:49:00.000-08:00

Just registered for jury duty today. I start calling in next week.

I've never had to serve on a jury before. I either couldn't because of the kind of work I was doing or wasn't picked. I'm feeling like my time is running out. Yipes!

Now, I know jury duty is the privilege of living in a free coutry but it's kind of like labor pains are a privilege of being fertile. I don't know. As I said, I haven't done it yet so it might not be that bad.

Here's the thing. There are tons of lawyer shows and crime shows on TV and I like some of them. So all I know from these is that the lawyers are the ones having all the fun and the jury looks bored stiff. Like most comedians and actors, I'd rather be performing than sitting in the audience. I need kind of a lot of attention and the thought of having to sit in a box for hours without being able to read or go online or move around when I want terrifies me.

Plus in TV and movies the whole process clips along pretty quickly and then someone has an "Aha moment" because a witness knows what Prada shoes are or something.

And I have to admit I'll be horribly disappointed if someone can't just go up and read the truth on someone's face like on Lie To Me or The Mentalist. Or have a ghost reveal the real criminal like on Medium. Real life is so BORING! Ha ha. Not really. I like it. Just don't want to sit in a box for a long time.

The Jury by John Morgan

Ugh. Plus I hate people.

Not you, of course. Them.

What about you? Do you have any good jury stories?

Anna Nicole Smith Opera

2011-02-15T17:55:00.000-08:00

No, it's not a sketch on Saturday Night Live. It's a real thing. Premiering this week at London's Royal Opera House.

Hey, look at the bright side. This could do for opera what Tiger Woods did for golf. No, I don't mean cheat on it's wife and disappoint it's loyal fans. I mean it could bring in a whole new audience.

If this works it could be just the beginning. What about an opera about Mel Gibson?

Or Lindsey Lohan.?

The possibilities are endless.

In other news, Charlie Sheen, just out of the hospital from a cocaine and alcohol fueled meltown, said being sober is boring.

Cue the orchestra.

Happy Valentine's Day---meh

2011-02-14T23:07:00.000-08:00

Hope it was a good one.

It's the end of the day. I haven't been able to post because my daughter hijacked my computer so she could type a History project. So romantic.

Valentine's Day sucks. Unless you're in a relationship. Then it's just a lot of pressure.

I broke up with a guy because he didn't celebrate Valentine's Day. And he didn't bother to tell me this until the night before and only because I brought it up. He said he believed it was a day created by Hallmark and Russell Stovers to get people to spend money. He said he believed it was better to celebrate Valentine's Day every day of the year. Great, but I don't remember ever getting a box of chocolates from him because it was Tuesday.

I bought a box of chocolates for my daughter. It was $5.00 and she was tickled pink. In my book that was five bucks well spent because she felt special.

I could say a lot of negative things about this day but the truth is, I kind of like it. I like the colors way more than Easter or Halloween. I like flowers and chocolate. Mmm. And it's cute that couples have a special day to dress up and get laid. After a long marriage or even if you've been shacking up a long time, this day might be all that keeps you from killing each other.

So all in all, hurray for Valentine's Day. But still also-meh.

And Heeeeeeeeere's..Joanie!

2011-02-13T17:23:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a class on writing jokes for late night television with Gabe Abelson. It's a little slow going at first but I guess, like anything else, it gets easier with practice.

"Don't worry, Joanie. You can do it."

"Go get 'em, Kid. Heh. Heh."

"Yeah, what they said. I concur"

Here are a few I've written so far:

By the way, if for any reason you decide to repost any of these please do me a favor and mention my name and relink to this post. Thanks.

Anyway, here goes:

Somali pirates siezed an oil tanker this week. Or as Lindsey Lohan would say, it was loaned to them.

TN State Representative, Julia Hurley, credits her work as a Hooters waitress for preparing her for politics. She said she got used to working around a bunch of boobs.

Upon the success of the Boyfriend Jean for women, Levi's has come out with a new product for men called the Ex-Girlfriend Jean. So far men say they're great until you catch them on your best friend.

The Los Angeles Times said dozens of people were sickened after an event at the Playboy Mansion last Saturday. Apparently, the trouble started when Hugh Hefner's smoking jacket fell open.

Yeah! I have to make 10 total by tomorrow. I have some that are half-baked. I'll get faster. It's totally fun, anyway and I love it.

Tonight's Grammy's should give plenty of food for fodder. Whatever that means. I didn't grow up with a fodder, only a mudder. (groan)

Never Say, Like, Whatever- A Movie Review

2011-02-12T10:42:00.000-08:00

My 15 year old daughter came up to me the other day all upset. I said " What's the matter, Honey?" She gets this distraught look on her face and says, "Mom. I have Bieber Fever!"

Now some of you may be thinking "Well, yeah. That's what kids do. They get all wackadoo for Bieber and Hanna Montana and stuff." Um, no, that was so middle school, okay? She's a teenager living in The Valley where half her friends have been on commercials or TV shows or their parents have. They are a little snobby about teen idols in general at this point.

So this was not an easy confession for her to make. It would be like me saying "Guys, I have to admit this before it kills me. I love Sarah Palin's Alaska!" Now, I've never seen Sarah Palin's Alaska and don't intend to so don't panic. But you get what I'm saying.

This is all leading up to my first movie review. I promise.

Unfortunately, I never seem to get to go the movies. IT SUCKS! But my daughter goes all the time with her friends. I swear to God she's seen everything. Last night she saw "Never Say Never" which is Justin Bieber's new movie.

I asked her what she thought of it and wrote down what she said, so here goes my review as dictated by a real life teen:

"Well, first of all, he was super hot. He like really wanted to be famous so he put his videos up on You Tube. Yeah. And some other stuff. And he sold out Madison Square Garden in 20 minutes. And he was like nervous because he was getting a sore throat."

"He's really hot, too. Which kind of just made the movie better."

There you have it. Now you have something to go do today.

Someone told me that a lot of his fans are older woman. GROSS! I mean, yeah, maybe if he was taller. Not really. Actually, I'm distantly related to him I found out. If anyone wants my autograph.

Here's the trailer for the movie in case you're not completely sold.
Whew! Is it getting warm in here? I'm feeling a little feverish. Wait...OH, NO!!!!

I Like To Think Thoughts

2011-02-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hello Blogland.

It's come to my attention that there has been a severe shortage of people talking about themselves online so I thought it my duty to help fill the void. YOU'RE SO WELCOME!

I had another blog but it required time and effort so eccchhh. You can look at it here if you want.

http://www.theyearoflivingfabulously.blogspot.com/

Although I am a performer and writer I also have a degree in Costume Design for Theatre and teach at a college. Yes, I am a college professor hence all the books in the background because I'm smart and I know how to read! (If I happen to change the background in the future and it's not books anymore and you read this, don't panic or call a psychiatrist. It just means I changed the background)

I'm getting back into stand-up comedy after a four year hiatus. (actually it's been sporadic at best since I moved to LA 8 years ago) It's really exciting but scary but great and I thought it would be fun to document the process. Fun for me, not for you.

Last night I got to watch a fantastic show at this great club, Flappers that my friends own. Some of my favorite comics went up.

It was Jimmy Dore's show

and he brought in Al Madrigal

Jen Kirkman

Todd Glass

and Bill Burr

What a great show!

I worked with Bill Burr about 10 years ago (or Billy Burr as he was called then. My, how he's grown) He remembered me even though I looked a lot different then. Red-haired and younger. Well, I guess that could describe both of us.
This was me back then

Aww. So much hope. So much promise.

They were all great. Got to see Avi Liberman too who was just hanging out.
I know him from Houston which is where I started doing comedy.

I've been writing a lot and need to get up more, but being a single mom and waking up at 5:30 every weekday morning to get my teenager to school makes late-night comedy a big bowl of NO! But I am determined to turn that "no" into a "hell, yes!" or at least a "well, maybe".